Love the Unlovely

It was a good weekend.
A little tainted by the actions of a family member. She was rather displeased with me and proceeded to show me by acting rudely and attempting to avoid physical contact and ignoring me whenever possible.
This is a regular routine whenever I veer outside the boundaries of what she deems "appropriate."
By the end of things, I was anxious to go home and feeling quite hurt. But after some time alone and imagination over what I might say in a conversation, I decided that what I really needed to do is to love her.
And then I realized something quite valuable: love that only accepts easy assignments is really of little value at all. Because real love is something that is both tough and gentle, able to comfort, and able to withstand. And while it may seem silly to point out that Jesus did not command me to "love the lovely, the charming, the gentle, and the sweet," it's true. He commanded me to love my "neighbor." Even the cranky neighbors who are stuck in their ways.
Especially them.
So I think that what I received tonight was not so much hurt feels as a lesson in love.

Let me just preface this by saying that a) this is going to be short because I have to change and leave within 20 minutes and b) I am a dreamer. I am aware my ideas sometimes seem absurd and far-fetched and maybe irrational. But....
Alyssa comes over tonight.
We have plans to make cookies. I've set out books full of stories and books full of activities, paper, colored pencils, and my ratatouille coloring book. I plan on swinging by my parents' house to pick up Disney movies. Alyssa will probably make up games for us to play. And we will laugh a lot.
I adore Alyssa. And Michelle.
I am in love with the whole Koller family.

This fall was terrible. Actually, I am crying right now just thinking about it.
And somewhere in the mess, in the tears and runny noses and cried-on sweatshirts, I saw that the Kollers are my family. I feel just as tied to them as I feel to the Lauterbacks or the Pulizzis. And I cried harder.

My desire to be close to the Kollers (to my family) is intensified. I crave time with Stacey and Kevin, Michelle, Ann and Eric, Alyssa, Krissy, Kathy, Debbie.....
And this crazy baby fever that it seems I always have is subsided because I have Michelle and Alyssa, and intensified because I want to bring new life into the world, because I want Michelle, Clint, and Alyssa to be close with my children.

I love the Kollers.
I am one.
And love is the most painful thing available on the planet and the most rewarding.

My Mutt Blog

I'm have not decided what this blog will "be." 14 days ago, I intended it to be a place where I could work on my intended book. 14 days ago. Since then, I've revised my ideas. Already.
This is a thing with me. Last summer, I intended to build up a running club that would gain enough power to host charity races and turn all the money over to worthy causes. Last fall, I wanted to build up a service-oriented group of people that would effectively offer hours of their time to take care of needs. I imagined the group spear-heading a date night that would include a fancy dinner for parents and child care for the children and everyone beaming over the fact that the night just went so perfectly, they feel rested because of the framework of the evening or joy because they were able to offer time so that someone else could feel rested.
I have a lot of ideas, and I make a lot of plans, and there are quite a few things I want to do. I have a degree that will allow me to teach English classes to anyone within junior high or high school parameters. But I have also discovered a love for planning events, I want to eventually publish something, I'm hooked on the post-half marathon feeling, I love "my" kids at youth group. I love my husband, and I enjoy having people over, trying new recipes, reading, and someday, I really want to be a mom.
I admire really good teachers who stay at it for years (I don't admire those who don't love the students but stick around anyway). Good teachers don't seem to be all together common. But I don't think I will be one to stick around. Maybe I could be a good teacher, but I have this restless heart that just wants to explore. I love trying new food and going new places. I love reading about things I didn't know about and dreaming about the unknown.
For that reason, I can't put my finger on this blog. It is a mish-mash, a "mutt" blog. At times, "Save the Pineapple Juice" will be my cooking blog; at times it will chronicle my fitness attempts or the books I have read or the thoughts I am thinking when I just.want.to.be. alone and talk to my blog instead of people.