Sarah in Real Life

I need to be working.
I need to be working on an application for a job I really want, finishing and sending thank you cards for my birthday gifts that I received almost a month ago, sending "we're going to israel" cards, and finishing up a few last-minute details for Stacey's wedding.

But I have this writing itch that needs to be filled because here it is:
I have a hard time with the fact that I am not perfect.
The more that I examine that statement, the more obnoxious I find it. But the truth of it doesn't lessen.

I keep a blog in an attempt to be honest and work toward transparency. I find a lot of value in telling my girls at youth group stories that highlight my mistakes. I don't try to present myself as perfect because no one can stand next to that. I tell my girls that I would rather they be honest and tell me whatever it is they were afraid to tell me, instead of telling me they have it all together, because "I have it all together" is a lie, on some level.

But.
I know that my choices effect people besides myself, and that hits me. Hard. I try to make the best choices I know how to, but decisions are not always one or the other. The "right" decision is not always so obvious like show likes Full House used to make it look. The right decision doesn't always make me feel fantastic after I make it; sometimes, quite frankly, I feel absolutely awful. Sometimes I cry.

I am obnoxiously perfectionist.
What helps is to think that I can choose any moment, including this one, and make good choices now. I can make someone else's day better right now. I can do the best I can right now.

And maybe that is enough.