Tricks of the Trade

Recently, I have been focusing on a areas of my life that I would like to refine.

Complaining. I mentioned this briefly in the past. Complaining is really something that can turn into poison if left unchecked. So, to counteract my habit of complaining about everything that bothers me, I've been writing lists (one of my favorite things!) titled, "things I can be grateful for" nearly every day. Notice I don't write "things I AM grateful for." Sometimes I am just feeling too disgruntled to really feel grateful, but most times my outlook has turned around by the time I finish my list.

The Blues. I deal with Seasonal Affective Disorder every year. I haven't been diagnosed, but I do exhibit the symptoms.
:::I don't think this fact crossed my mind the year I got married (I was married in January). The (good and bad) stress that came with the wedding, coupled with the fact that it was winter made for an interesting situation when I put my dress on the day of my wedding. (Ladies! If you are planning on getting married, get a dress that can be adjusted!):::


In order to combat the disorder, and my current dread of winter, I've been making a conscious effort to get in some physical activity in every day. (Late fall and winter is a time when I ordinarily seem to give up all exercise, which probably contributes to my problem.) Even on really busy days. Even on days when I would rather nap. On some days, this means I am walking up and down the 5 flights of stairs at work whenever I have a free moment.

Today, I am going on a six-mile walk at Gring's Mill with my mom. Something that satisfies my need for physical activity and being something I am grateful for.

How Sweet it Is

It's National Oatmeal Day!
Of course, I didn't remember to take a picture of my fabulous oatmeal concoction while I had the camera at home, so I am asking you to trust me that I ate a big bowl of awesome this morning.

What went in:
1/3 cup oats
2/3 cup unsweetened vanilla almond milk
1 very thinly sliced banana, cooked in
the rest of my pumpkin puree
cinnamon
a big spoonful of (natural!) peanut butter
a small handful of ghirardelli 60% cacao chocolate chips

But even BETTER than oatmeal day...
I hopped on our home scale yesterday on a whim. The number was a little higher than I hoped it would be. I also got weighed in at the doctor's office in the afternoon. I didn't look at the number, but the nurse announced it to me (I can't remember this ever happening before!). Of course, by then, I had had lots of waters, two meals, and I was fully clothed, so the number was even higher.
And I DIDN'T CARE. Not at all. I feel good in my own skin, I (usually) eat well, and I have (finally!) embraced the idea that I have been trying to drill into my own head: being healthy is about quality of life (and not about how "pretty" the number on the scale sounds).

I looks like I have gotten a little healthier in the head:).

Creative Spaces

I might stick with this layout for awhile. With the exception of the pictures added to the header, everything just might stay the same for awhile.
Don't hold me to it.

I'm feely really picky about my blog right now. I really enjoy writing and reading blog entries. So much so that I sometimes dream of turning my love into a part time job, much like Kath. I love to write, cook, taste new foods, and share meals, and I think I could create a fun blog out of that.

Not surprisingly, there are some roadblocks to my Bohemian, not-quite-realistic dream. One is that I have already stated that I really shouldn't commit to anything else right now. And another is that I don't actually own the portable camera that is really necessary to facilitate a quality blog. I have a rather large camera that is bound to be stolen at some point during my day time blog adventures.

So. It looks like I will be putting this one little desire on hold until something drops out of my life. Until then, I'll do what I can with what I've got.

Humble Beginnings

Humility is NOT my strong point.

There are times when I think, "ok, I'm going to make this right. I'm going to apologize and then we'll have this great heart-to-heart, and everything will be so much better." Here's the thing with my plans: they don't always work out how I think they should. Sometimes the person I am opening myself up to, the person I am apologizing to, doesn't apologize. Sometimes they take the opportunity to explain to me why their actions were justified and then launch into a mini-sermon.

That is when practicing humility (notice I didn't say being humble! I'm not there yet.) feels ICKY. I missed out on that heart connection. And really, what I wanted was an apology. I wanted the other person to reciprocate my vulnerability so that I didn't feel so vulnerable.

But, in all actuality, recognizing that about myself does make me feel better. It points out that I am still obsessing over the situation because I didn't get what I wanted. Knowing that helps me to let it go.

There is a line from a particular song by Jon Foreman that says, "Father Time steals our days like a thief." It keeps playing in my head. Just that line. Not the one after or before it. Truth be told, I can't even remember what those lines are.

But it really doesn't matter because it's that line that feels so true to me these days. It seems like there is at least one person every week who asks me, "Doesn't this week feel slow?" No, it doesn't! Lately, it seems like life is a speeding locomotive. Sometimes I am at the window, watching the scenery whiz past me, sometimes I am enjoying tea and a turkey sandwich with friends. But it's fast. The days, the weeks, the months roll into each other, so one of my priorities is to sit and enjoy the moment when life just keeps moving, moving, moving.

I am 24-years-old, and I remember holding my brother in the hospital when he was born almost 20 years ago. I remember saying that "I wonder what he'll be like when he grows up." Almost 20 years ago. While I used to fixate on the "next big thing" and hardly savor what was going on in my life, I don't make that mistake (as often) anymore. Because I know that one day I will just wake up and be a mother. A grandmother. And I hope that I will have played my part in this grand old story well.

So This is Love

Last winter, during the bleakest, most tired days of the season, I fell in love with sandwiches. I ate them for three meals a day, on Thomas' whole wheat mini-square bagels. Mostly two different combinations. Whipped peanut butter, raisins and banana. And turkey sausage, eggs, and sharp cheddar. I was severely lacking in the vegetable department, but if it makes you feel a little better, I will tell you that I probably threw some spinach in there at times.

Recently, I have rediscovered that love. Partly because of time commitments, but also because there are so many combinations to be had that are tasty and healthy. One combination that I'm particularly proud of today?

My breakfast. Two tablespoons of White Chocolate Wonderful, one tablespoon of unsweetened shredded coconut, and a sliced banana, mixed up and spread between two slices of 12-grain bread, then refridgerated overnight to allow the flavors to meld.

I just might be repeating that one tomorrow.

Six o'clock Meeting

Hello, my name is Sarah.
I am a chronic complainer.
I tend to want to air (all of!) my grievances to family members at the dinner table and my poor husband at any time.
I have been sober zero days.
But today all of that changes.
Because complaining just sucks all of the fun out of the room.

A Favorite Word

Joy is a beautiful word.

It's not happiness. It's not a mood, an emotion. It's something much richer than that. It's the difference between a tootsie roll and piece of high-quality dark chocolate.

It's in a Friday night spent in the kitchen with warm chocolate chip cookies and people I love. It's in a lazy Saturday afternoon after a long and full week. It's in the voice of 4-year-old Nora, the laugh of 6-year-old Alyssa, and the honesty of 10-year-old Michelle. It's in a sweet relationship built after a rocky start, time spent with my girls, and new friendships made at local businesses. It's in a hot cup of tea on a fall day, in making a good choice when no one is watching, and making somebody's day a little better.

"Let a joy keep you. Reach out and take it when it runs by." -Carl Sandburg, American Historian, poet, and novelist