Letter to a Friend

I've been feeling really great since Friday night. I have been stressing over life, thinking that nothing I do is really making a difference, that I could be making better choices, that my quality of life left something to be desired. But I realized that most of my problem lies in the fact that I haven't been consulting God in day-to-day and moment-by-moment decisions. I have simply been trying to "do my best." Of course I'm going to feel awful after that, because I'm not designed to only do my best; I'm designed to work within a much larger framework than myself called the body of Christ. I am part of a much bigger picture than myself, and 100 years from now, it is likely that few people will know my name, but that can't be what matters.

Once I came upon this realization, I felt so much lighter. More joyful. Even purposeful. My actions held more meaning, in that I found a lot of joy in the little things. Like following the impulse I felt to stand in line at the grocery store rather than hop in line at the U-Scan. It turned out that the cashier was having a rough few moments with some of her transactions, she was feeling stressed, and was apologizing profusely. It was such a pleasure to be able to ease a little of that tension when it came to be my turn in line.

Last night, Tim told me that the Community Center is in need of an ESL tutor on Tuesday nights. I have some experience with this (mainly teaching in Kazakhstan several years ago and substitute teaching through RACC), and I often find it rather challenging, but also rewarding. I also found out about a need for an ESL tutor at Berks Christian School and am looking into that. For me, it's fun to know that you love teaching ESL so much, because I have learned that this is one of my joys (and maybe even talents), too! Yet another thing we have in common! It's just encouraging to know that I may have opportunities to be a part of things that are helpful to others and leave me feeling somewhat fulfilled, as well.

I am still actively job-searching. I don't know what sort of job I will end up with, but with this new realization that I've come across in the past few days, I feel a lot less anxious over it. I'm a piece of the puzzle, not the star, so I don't feel so much pressure to have everything come out perfect-according-to-Sarah. Tim and I have a cute little apartment with plenty of space, plenty of clothes, a sufficient income, health insurance, great friends and family, and plenty of opportunities to serve and love. I really don't have a lot to complain about.