I'm craving a blog entry, but am not sure what to write about or even how to write it.
Right now, I feel like I am missing someone or something, but I really don't know what it is. I just have that "missing" feeling. I probably just need to go to bed. I have been a sleeping machine lately.
I've realized that I like to write most often when I am feeling challenged, when I feel tension, or am frustrated. I'm a processor, and writing out my thoughts is like therapy for me. So, for the few people that read my blog, I am a mostly dissatisfied woman. That's ok. It's ok for people to know "Blog Sarah." I've also realized I'm grateful for the tension, the dissatisfaction, the wrestling. I learn a lot through those times. I refine who I am. It's hard for me to point the correct words to it right now, when I "should" be sleeping. But. I think it goes somewhere along the lines of the idea that, if I were never faced with hardships, I might think that all of life was sweet. But I might never know what real love is, because I couldn't see what it was not. I might never be able to put my self in someone else's shoes, because I never would have been there. I might never build character because I would have little reason to.
Which is why I've become somewhat pleased with the aggravated feeling.
Friday, April 25, 2008
Saturday, April 19, 2008
We Don't Serve Cake Here
I am currently in the middle of a big pitty party for one, and there is no cake, no ice cream.
This sucks.
My thinking is that writing my thoughts down might make me realize just how Sarah-centered I am being and possibly add the benefit of shaking me out of it.
I wish that I had someone who would pour their wisdom and love into me. My whole life, it seems, I've wanted a mentor. I have known incredible women, to be sure, but I've never had a mentor. And God knows that all of those incredible relationships have not been enough for me, because I want more.
(This writing thing is working, by the way.)
Which is somewhat absurd, because I have often received encouragement at the most unexpected times. But not so absurd, because the problem isn't that I feel unloved. It's that I want someone to help me wade through what it means to be female, passionate, loving, servant-hearted. I want someone to show me how to love my kids. I want someone to show me how to more easily spot needs and then meet them.
I love life. I feel passionate about living, and I take it seriously.
It gets me in trouble sometimes because I get upset about things someone else might not deem as important. It gets me in trouble, because right now, I want someone to help me learn what it means to live well, and it seems I can't have that at the moment. And that kills me because I feel like I could be doing so much better if someone would help me decide whether to turn left or right once in awhile.
This sucks.
My thinking is that writing my thoughts down might make me realize just how Sarah-centered I am being and possibly add the benefit of shaking me out of it.
I wish that I had someone who would pour their wisdom and love into me. My whole life, it seems, I've wanted a mentor. I have known incredible women, to be sure, but I've never had a mentor. And God knows that all of those incredible relationships have not been enough for me, because I want more.
(This writing thing is working, by the way.)
Which is somewhat absurd, because I have often received encouragement at the most unexpected times. But not so absurd, because the problem isn't that I feel unloved. It's that I want someone to help me wade through what it means to be female, passionate, loving, servant-hearted. I want someone to show me how to love my kids. I want someone to show me how to more easily spot needs and then meet them.
I love life. I feel passionate about living, and I take it seriously.
It gets me in trouble sometimes because I get upset about things someone else might not deem as important. It gets me in trouble, because right now, I want someone to help me learn what it means to live well, and it seems I can't have that at the moment. And that kills me because I feel like I could be doing so much better if someone would help me decide whether to turn left or right once in awhile.
Thursday, April 17, 2008
Midnight Rendezvous
I need sleep.
But I need to write more.
Still, I am tired, so this will be an abridged method to holding me over in journalistic aspects for a little while. I might blog tomorrow during my free time.
I want to do everything. I mean that.
I want to be a fitness instructor. I want to write a book, start a volunteer organization, be an event planner, start a community kitchen, be a mom to 40 youth group kids. I want to be a mom want day. I want to cook meals for people who could use a hand up on that particular day. I want to be really involved in something that serves the needs of moms. I want to cook healthy, delicious meals, and get in about 5 hours of working out in a week. I want to hand out hope and encouragement. I want to travel and experience new places and cultures.
I used to think this wide-eyed "the world is my oyster" way of thinking was somewhat unique to me. I'm finding out that it is not. I am unique in the make up of who I am, but not in the fact that I am sometimes so overtaken by the bigness of the world and the handfuls and handfuls of good ideas that exist for what to do on the biggest playground called Planet Earth. I mean, there are people whose boo-boos need to be kissed, and fights that need to be broken up. There are people that need some love and attention, and there is food to be cooked. There are friends to be made and rides to be ridden.
One of the ideas that I've settled on to help me grasp the bigness of life, is that there is bigness in small things. Greatness doesn't depend on whether I carry out one of my big plans. It depends on the kind of attitude I carry when I serve my husband dinner. It depends on whether I am able to step away from myself to look for what the people around me really need.
So, if I want to open up a community kitchen, I'll start by cooking for people I know could use it. I'll start where I am.
Because life isn't about what I get paid for, or where I volunteer hours. It's so much more wholistic than that.
That's all I've got tonight.
It's bed time.
But I need to write more.
Still, I am tired, so this will be an abridged method to holding me over in journalistic aspects for a little while. I might blog tomorrow during my free time.
I want to do everything. I mean that.
I want to be a fitness instructor. I want to write a book, start a volunteer organization, be an event planner, start a community kitchen, be a mom to 40 youth group kids. I want to be a mom want day. I want to cook meals for people who could use a hand up on that particular day. I want to be really involved in something that serves the needs of moms. I want to cook healthy, delicious meals, and get in about 5 hours of working out in a week. I want to hand out hope and encouragement. I want to travel and experience new places and cultures.
I used to think this wide-eyed "the world is my oyster" way of thinking was somewhat unique to me. I'm finding out that it is not. I am unique in the make up of who I am, but not in the fact that I am sometimes so overtaken by the bigness of the world and the handfuls and handfuls of good ideas that exist for what to do on the biggest playground called Planet Earth. I mean, there are people whose boo-boos need to be kissed, and fights that need to be broken up. There are people that need some love and attention, and there is food to be cooked. There are friends to be made and rides to be ridden.
One of the ideas that I've settled on to help me grasp the bigness of life, is that there is bigness in small things. Greatness doesn't depend on whether I carry out one of my big plans. It depends on the kind of attitude I carry when I serve my husband dinner. It depends on whether I am able to step away from myself to look for what the people around me really need.
So, if I want to open up a community kitchen, I'll start by cooking for people I know could use it. I'll start where I am.
Because life isn't about what I get paid for, or where I volunteer hours. It's so much more wholistic than that.
That's all I've got tonight.
It's bed time.
Saturday, April 5, 2008
Healthy+Cookies= One Happy Sarah
I've been thinking about experimenting with some healthier forms of baking. I love sweets.
Do you hear me?! I LOVE them.
For a good portion of my life, I have been drinking diet coke and sprinkling equal, splenda, or (gasp!) that horrid stuff in the pink packet that just tastes like cancer on....everything.
But if you've read some of my previous posts, you know (or maybe you have an inkling because I didn't really say it) that I'm no longer deathly afraid of getting fat.
And with that, I've been considering using sweetening methods that actually involve calories but are healthier for me. And my husband. And everyone that I serve them to.
So, today, I tried out Healthy Baking Experiment #1: No Bake Cookies (because I've been craving the delicioius combination of oatmeal and chocolate. I'm also a peanut butter fiend.)
Sarah's Healthed-Up No Bake Cookies
1 cup agave nectar
1/2 cup 1% milk (but any kind of milk would work)
1/4 cup Sunsweet Lighter Bake (which is essentially fruit puree)
4 tablespoons unsweetened cocoa powder
1/2 cup natural peanut butter
3 cups rolled oats
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
In a medium saucepan, combine nectar, milk, fruit puree, and cocoa. Bring to a boil, and cook for 1 1/2 minutes. Remove from heat, and stir in peanut butter, oats, and vanilla. Drop by teaspoonfuls onto wax paper. Let cool until hardened.
I thought they were just a tad too sweet, but I'll have no problem eating more. Tim couldn't tell a difference and thought they tasted "like they are supposed to taste." I'm pretty excited that my first experiment went so well!
Do you hear me?! I LOVE them.
For a good portion of my life, I have been drinking diet coke and sprinkling equal, splenda, or (gasp!) that horrid stuff in the pink packet that just tastes like cancer on....everything.
But if you've read some of my previous posts, you know (or maybe you have an inkling because I didn't really say it) that I'm no longer deathly afraid of getting fat.
And with that, I've been considering using sweetening methods that actually involve calories but are healthier for me. And my husband. And everyone that I serve them to.
So, today, I tried out Healthy Baking Experiment #1: No Bake Cookies (because I've been craving the delicioius combination of oatmeal and chocolate. I'm also a peanut butter fiend.)
Sarah's Healthed-Up No Bake Cookies
1 cup agave nectar
1/2 cup 1% milk (but any kind of milk would work)
1/4 cup Sunsweet Lighter Bake (which is essentially fruit puree)
4 tablespoons unsweetened cocoa powder
1/2 cup natural peanut butter
3 cups rolled oats
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
In a medium saucepan, combine nectar, milk, fruit puree, and cocoa. Bring to a boil, and cook for 1 1/2 minutes. Remove from heat, and stir in peanut butter, oats, and vanilla. Drop by teaspoonfuls onto wax paper. Let cool until hardened.
I thought they were just a tad too sweet, but I'll have no problem eating more. Tim couldn't tell a difference and thought they tasted "like they are supposed to taste." I'm pretty excited that my first experiment went so well!
Thursday, April 3, 2008
Sarah the Sponge
I can never just go to bed as soon as I arrive home. I can't. Unless Tim does and turns off all the lights so I can't see anything AND I'm just really exhausted. But it just feels so unnatural to go to bed right after I get home. I want to let the evening (or the day) sink in.
So, I did that. I'm doing that. I grabbed a string cheese and an ice cream sandwich (because all I've craved since I got home from my run today has been dairy), briefly wondered why I didn't wear make-up today (this thought remained brief because I realized that I just did not want to take the time to color up my face and make me look just a little more awake than I actually am. I'm going for "honest and open" today, it seems).
And now, I'm just...savoring. It's a little bit like the way I treat a good piece of dark chocolate. I can make a truffle or a dark Dove Promise last a looooong time. To me, chocolate is something that should be savored and thoroughly enjoyed. The taste should just soak your taste buds. I don't usually need a lot of chocolate to be satisfied. (Ice cream is an exception here. I will take a lot of that, thank you.) Now I'm digressing and totally thinking about chocolate (which technically counts as dairy).
But the truth is that because I am a processor and because I am still soaking things in, I could not churn out a good post right now that could accurately portray my feeling and reflections and lessons learned. Maybe tomorrow. Right now, I'm just going to soak. And enjoy.
So, I did that. I'm doing that. I grabbed a string cheese and an ice cream sandwich (because all I've craved since I got home from my run today has been dairy), briefly wondered why I didn't wear make-up today (this thought remained brief because I realized that I just did not want to take the time to color up my face and make me look just a little more awake than I actually am. I'm going for "honest and open" today, it seems).
And now, I'm just...savoring. It's a little bit like the way I treat a good piece of dark chocolate. I can make a truffle or a dark Dove Promise last a looooong time. To me, chocolate is something that should be savored and thoroughly enjoyed. The taste should just soak your taste buds. I don't usually need a lot of chocolate to be satisfied. (Ice cream is an exception here. I will take a lot of that, thank you.) Now I'm digressing and totally thinking about chocolate (which technically counts as dairy).
But the truth is that because I am a processor and because I am still soaking things in, I could not churn out a good post right now that could accurately portray my feeling and reflections and lessons learned. Maybe tomorrow. Right now, I'm just going to soak. And enjoy.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
